More Covid realizations

Until Covid I never realised how much I denied my autistic self. I didn’t realize how many ineffective coping mechanisms I had. My buying habits were obsessive as I had no therapy.

Retail therapy is a consumerist, capitalist therapy. Autistics need real connection, friends and conversations just as much as the rest of the world. However we find it much more difficult to get anything meaningful. There should be provision for adult Autistics since they are just as much in need as children are. If you are a late diagnosed autistic like I am; you never had any so there is only so much you can cope with before you break down.

I’m feeling like I did when I first experienced death and I can see what I started repressing my emotions. When that got too much I can see why I started drinking. I’m highly sensitive and aware of what’s going on as I’m very perceptive. I also know by writing this that those reading it will possibly use it to their advantage by hiding their true selves while I cannot. It’s like when you discover a tell in poker you never reveal it as then they would be aware and mask it. I’m no longer willing to do that as it’s just too taxing.

The sadness I’m feeling right now is incredibly intense as my nan has just died. I can’t go and say goodbye to her and in fact she was ill to the point that she couldn’t see or hear properly for the last 4 years of her life. Living in a home separated from your relatives is a horrible thing to do.

My nan needed help but she couldn’t get any as without a diagnosis there is nowhere to start from. I’m sure she was a lifelong autism sufferer. If you have undiagnosed autism or if you have it without any help then it is the same. You are different but you don’t get any recognition from anyone. There is no awareness or respect. A different neurology affects your entire life. Just like a dog is not only for Christmas but for life; so is autism.

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Athena Minerva

A place for me to write about things that concern myself and the world around me. Please check out my page on Amazon after you have finished my blog or drop me a line at

6 thoughts on “More Covid realizations”

  1. This is very touching. I don’t know why autism is not getting the attention it deserves. Maybe you must do something, like a plateform, a website a NGO for autistic people or for awareness. You explain things so clearly and people need to understand autism because we hardly do. Great post, thank you for being so brave

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I suspect there is no money in it as for my entire life I have never found any help for adults that do not have severe learning disabilities. I have searched for it in the way only an autistic can. There is a lot of ’help’ in America but this rather hinders things. I’m not business minded enough to be able to make an ngo but I have tried to raise awareness through my books and my blogs.

      Liked by 2 people

        1. Thank you for your continued support of me and my blog. I’m going to keep writing the difficult, personal dialog that I have started as we’re not going to get support until enough of us make a loud enough noise.

          Liked by 1 person

      1. I think it would be amazing to be a part of am ngo…I have long suspected I am on the spectrum from doing online tests, also I just click with others with mild autism or aspergers quite easily. I am sort of ‘in the closet’ about it though

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Only professionals can diagnose autism but there is plenty of material around that may convince you one way or the other. Write a list of your qualities in preparation for a visit to a dr to see if you qualify against the criteria. I think this is the best way to check if your unsure about whether you are or not. Thanks for your interest in my site today!


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